Transcript Region 2 Overview - Quality and Productivity Commission

Plain Language
Presented to: Los Angeles County
By: Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
Date: August, 2007
Presentation Outline
Introduction
Benefits of Plain Language
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials,
using Stylewriter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Presentation Outline
Introduction
Benefits of Plain Language
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials;
using Stylewriter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
3
Acheek@patriot.net
Introductions
Logistics
Goals for today
Definition of plain language
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Goals for today
• Know the definition of plain language, and the
importance of audience
• Understand the benefits of plain language
• Recognize common style faults in County
materials that decrease clarity
• Know how to use plain language techniques to
improve clarity
• Understand how to use Stylewriter to improve
style and clarity
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
What is Plain Language?
Material is in plain language if readers can
• Find what they need
• Understand what they find
• Use it to fulfill their needs
And they should be able to do this the first
time they read or hear it!
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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The most important principle:
Think about your
audience!
• You must understand your audience’s
knowledge of and familiarity with a topic.
• What is plain language for one audience may
not be plain language for another audience.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Presentation Outline
Introduction
Benefits of Plain Language
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials;
using Stylewriter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
8
Acheek@patriot.net
Some benefits of plain language
• Plain language saves time and money for
both the author and the audience.
• Plain language also results in better compliance
with instructions.
• People think you’re smarter when you write in
plain language.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Let’s talk about some examples.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Veterans Benefits Administration
• One office, in Jackson, MS, decided to
rewrite one standard letter into plain
language.
• The result – Significantly fewer calls from
customers.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Fewer calls from customers
Old letter
Plain
Language
letter
Calls to each
counselor
each month
91.4
16
Total calls
each year, 10
counselors
10,968
1920
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Federal Communications
Commission
• Revised regulations about radio operations
on pleasure boats to improve their clarity.
• A Washington-based firm studied the
ability of users to find answers to questions
in the old and new versions.
• The test groups included both new and
experienced users.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Less time for users to solve a
problem (in minutes)
Type of user
Old rule
New rule
Experienced
2.43
1.50
Inexperienced
3.51
1.73
FCC pleasure boat radio regulation
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Canadian Government
• An extensive project revising forms into
plainer language and format.
• As a result, they saved time for their
agencies and achieved a higher rate of
compliance with requirements.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Shorter processing, more returns
Name of Form
Original
Version
Plain Language
Version
Operating Grant
Application
Staff processing
time – 20 minutes
Staff processing
time – 3 minutes
Grant Report
25% return rate
50% return rate
Tree Nursery Order
Form
40% error rate
20% error rate
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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British government
• The British government also had a
huge “forms project” to redo many forms
into plainer language and format.
• As in Canada, they decreased the
workload of their staff and achieved a
better response from the public.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Fewer errors, less staff time
Form to
claim lost
baggage
Error rate
Old form
55%
Plain
Language
form
3%
Cost of
rewrite
Savings
$3,500
3,700 staff
hours,
$45,000
each year
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Veterans Benefits Administration
• Every several years the Veterans Benefits
Administration sends a letter to all veterans,
asking them for an up-to-date beneficiary.
• If a veteran dies and the beneficiary listed
in his VA file isn’t valid, the VA must find a
valid beneficiary.
• It costs the VA several thousand dollars to
do the research to find a valid beneficiary.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Higher response rate, lower costs
Original letter
Response
rate
Estimated
savings
35%
$8 mil every
mailing cycle
Plain language 58%
letter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Private sector
• Research project to study the effects of
using plain language on the performance
of a financial services company, BANCO.
• The researcher translated scripts used by
Banco’s service staff to answer customer
questions over the phone.
• Two groups of 30 subjects – one used the
original document, the other the plain
language version. (Neither had experience
with the topic covered by the document.)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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• The PL group was 61.2% more satisfied with
their documents than the original document
group.
• The PL Group preferred all aspects of their
documents.
• The PL group said their documents
improved their ability to find, understand and
use information required for their jobs.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Predicted improvements based on the
two sample groups
Productivity
Up 36.9%
Errors
Down 77.1%
Number of calls to
help desk
Down 17.4%
Length of calls to
help desk
Down 10.5%
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Presentation Outline
Introduction
Benefits of Plain Language
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials;
using Stylewriter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Overview of Plain Language
Techniques
None of the techniques we’ll discuss
define plain language – rather, they are
ways to achieve plain language.
Together, these techniques help you be clear
and concise.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Use:
Logical organization
Informative headings
Active voice
Pronouns
Lists and tables
Common words
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Avoid:
Abbreviations, jargon, legal terms, Latin
Confusing constructions
Unnecessary words
Information the audience doesn’t need
Long sentences
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A general principle – Less is more!
Plain language usually – but not
always – helps you be more concise.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Organize logically for the reader
There are several standard ways to organize:
Chronological
Most important first
General first, special and exceptions last
If you find material more than once, suspect poor
organization
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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What would you be looking for first if
you had to go to these sites?
Abducted child
Building permit
Dog bite
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Headings
There are three types of headings
Questions – Why should we use headings?
Statements – Headings help guide readers
Topics - Headings
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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The most useful headings
• Are question headings, because people
generally come to our documents with
questions.
• But don’t make up the questions – use question
headings only if you know the audience’s
questions.
• Let’s look at a County document with
question headings.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Use active voice
• The best sentences are like the ones you
first learned in school.
• Subject, verb, predicate – Who, does what, to
what or whom.
We charged the incorrect amount.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Avoid passive voice
• Passive voice is one of the major
problems of bureaucratic writing.
• Passive voice is harder to understand.
• Passive voice can confuse the audience
because it’s not clear who does what.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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What is passive voice?
The actor follows the verb.
Some form of the verb “to be” is
combined with the past participle of
another verb.
The frog was swallowed by Fred.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Passive Voice
Can disguise who does what:
A frog was swallowed.
Active Voice
Makes it clear who does what:
Fred swallowed a frog.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Passive Voice
Is often longer:
The application must be completed by the
applicant and received by the grants office by
June 1st. 17 words
Active Voice
Cuts the number of words:
We must receive your completed application by
June 1st. 9 words
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Use pronouns to speak to the
audience
• Research shows that people relate better to
information that talks directly to them by using
pronouns.
• Using general nouns such as “beneficiary” or
“purchaser” requires the audience to “translate”
before they can be sure you are talking to them.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
How to use pronouns
 Refer to your organization as “we”
 Refer to the reader as “you” in the text
and as “I” in questions
 Make sure you define “we” and “you”
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Let’s use pronouns and active voice to
improve a couple of your sentences.
In the event that a graffiti removal
request is reported that may not be the
responsibility of the Los Angeles County
Department of Public Works, you will be
directed to the appropriate agency. (33
words)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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If you submit a graffiti removal
request that is not our responsibility,
we will direct you to the appropriate
agency. (20 words)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Easy access to information and
resources concerning long-term care
issues for seniors and the disabled has
been made available on a new website
developed by the County Department of
Community and Senior Services. (33
words)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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We developed a new website to give you
easy access to information and resources
about long-term care for seniors and the
disabled. (22 words)
You can easily get information and
resources on long-term care for seniors
and the disabled on our new website. (19
words)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Do not use these “pronouns”!
He/she
His/her
S/he
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Using lists and tables
• Lists can be a very powerful way to
convey information.
• Make sure that all the items in a list are
constructed in a parallel way – each item should
start with the same part of speech.
• Using conjunctions (“and”) and disjunctions
(“or”) improperly can confuse the audience, and
even give incorrect information.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Lists, cont’d
Try not to mix “and” and “or” in one list.
Consider this confusing list.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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You may be able to receive a temporary supply of
that prescription. You can receive a temporary
supply if:
•You are within the first 90 days of coverage under
the new drug plan AND
•You were auto-enrolled into the plan and they don't
cover your drug OR
•You didn't know that your drug wasn't covered OR
•You didn't know that you could request an exception
to the formulary.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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You can read this list two ways:
• It requires bullets 1 and 2; or just bullet 3, or
just bullet 4.
• It requires bullet 1 and bullet 2 or 3 or 4.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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I would say:
You may be able to receive a temporary supply of
that prescription if you are within the first 90 days
of coverage of your new plan. You must also meet
one of the following conditions:
•You were auto-enrolled into the plan and they
don't cover your drug; or
•You didn't know that your drug wasn't covered; or
•You didn't know that you could request an
exception for your drug.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Lists, cont’d
• Don’t make lists too long
• Research suggests that 7 items is the maximum
number of items that can be understood easily.
• For verbal delivery, I’d say 4 or 5 is the most
you should use. You have lists much longer.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
I did find lots of long and confusing lists
in your material.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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What are the types of referrals received by the IA
Unit?
The following represent a cross section of referrals:
• abuse of authority/intimidation (e.g., using one's position
to manipulate a participant or employee).
• misappropriation of internal funds (i.e., stealing public
money, negotiables).
• conflict of interest (e.g., an employee living with a
participant).
• breach of confidentiality (e.g., using confidential
participant information for personal gain, or sharing a
confidential password for computer access).
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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• falsification of employment applications, workers'
compensation claims, examination records, timecards,
and internal records.
• systems abuse (e.g., embezzlement).
• unreported employment or earnings (e.g., part-time
work exceeding the 24 hour/week limit).
• gambling on duty or on County property.
• extortion of funds from participants; solicitation of bribes.
• drug/alcohol sales on County property.
• inappropriate, dishonest and/or criminal conduct.
• sexual harassment of applicants/participants.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Use common words
• Avoid uncommon words, bureaucratic words,
foreign words, and jargon.
• Even highly educated people read faster
and with better comprehension if you stick
with common words.
• Big words do not make you look smarter!
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Common words
Instruct
Tell
Receive
Get
Obtain
Get
Assistance
Help
Regarding
About
Retain
Keep
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Avoid abbreviations, jargon,
legal terms, Latinisms
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Abbreviations
• Readers complain more about
abbreviations and acronyms than about any
other feature of bureaucratic writing.
• Using abbreviations turns your material into a
research project for readers.
• If your abbreviation has another, more
common meaning, your audience will forget your
special meaning and remember the more
common one.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
How can you fix abbreviations?
• Don’t use more than two, and at most
three, abbreviations in each written
document.
• Instead, use “nicknames” such as “unit” instead
of WPU for Witness protection unit, or “case
review” instead of PQCR for Peer Quality Case
Review.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Jargon
I found lots of jargon I your material:
harborage
continuity assumptions
evidence-based programs
transient docks
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Bureaucratic and legalistic words
•
•
•
•
•
•
Herein
Hereafter
Hereby
Pursuant to
In accordance with
Shall (use “must” instead)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Latin terms
• “i.e.” and “e.g.” are major problems.
• Many people do not know what these mean.
• Many who do know the meanings don’t
remember which is which.
• Other Latin terms to avoid – “via” “per”
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Avoid confusing constructions
• Slashes
• Misplaced modifiers and other words
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Confusing constructions slashes
• Apart from fractions, the slash has
almost no good uses.
• The most common use of the slash is in
“either/or” and “and/or”
• In most cases, when you use one of these
constructions, you mean either one term, or the
other. Don’t make the audience decide which.
• In the few cases where you truly mean both,
write them out.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Confusing constructions Misplaced modifiers
• Sloppy word placement can cause ambiguity.
• Put conditionals such as “only” or “always” and
other modifiers next to the words they modify.
• Write “you are required to provide only the
following,” not “you are only required to provide
the following.”
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Some examples from your
documents
• Los Angeles County has been limited to only
spend its money on children in out-of-home
care.
• Only carry the credit and identification cards
you need.
• The Public Defender only represents persons
subject to criminal prosecution, civil commitment,
or contempt citation.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Avoid unnecessary words
• This is a huge topic. Recognizing what
words you can cut out is a talent you develop
over time.
• We’ve already covered some techniques that
help you cut excess words – using pronouns and
active verbs are the two main ones.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
A few LA examples of wordiness
At the time of its
enactment
At enactment or when
enacted
We have taken a
number of steps
We have taken steps
We wrote the report in
an effort to provide
We wrote the report to
provide
Three hours in a 24hour period
Three hours in 24
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Other ways to avoid excess
words—Look for
• Redundancies
• Prepositional phrases
• Hidden verbs
• Excess modifiers
• Doublets
• Meaningless formal language
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Excess words - redundancies
Redundancies are words or phrases you don’t
need because you already said the same thing.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Redundancies
• At a later time
• Later
• During that time period
• During that time, or then
• Worked jointly together • Worked together
• Level of coverage
• Coverage
• Will plan in the future
• Will plan
• At least 12 years of
age or older
• At least 12
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Unnecessary words prepositional phrases
• Did you notice that a lot of the previous
examples included prepositional phrases?
• Suspect prepositional phrases as a source
of excess words.
• Try to reduce these phrases to one or two words.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Instead of
Use
• For the purpose of
• For, to
• At this point in time
• Now
• In relation to
• About, in, with
• On the grounds that
• Because
• On a monthly basis
• Monthly
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Excess words - hidden verbs
• Hidden verbs are verbs disguised as nouns.
They are generally longer than their true verb
forms.
• Hidden verbs are very common in bureaucratic
writing.
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Conduct an analysis
Analyze
Present a report
Report
Make
recommendations
Recommend
Provide assistance
Help
The use of
Using
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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And while we’re on the topic of
verbs
• Always use the simplest form of a verb that
works
• Simpler verbs are stronger than complex verbs
• For example, use simple past when possible
(“we finished the project”) rather than past perfect
(“we had finished the project”)
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Excess words – unnecessary
modifiers
• English speakers use many excess modifiers in
our writing and in our speech.
• They pad our writing, and often don’t make
sense.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Common excess modifiers
Absolutely, completely, totally, really, very
Eliminate them. If the resulting wording doesn’t
convey your meaning, pick a stronger word.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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• It is absolutely essential that you contact
me at once.
• It is imperative that you contact me at once.
• You must contact me at once.
• I had a really good time at your party.
• I had a wonderful time at your party.
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Here’s a couple examples from your
materials
• This plan is truly intended to be regional and
integrated.
• Individuals who have been seriously
underserved
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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When you think about them,
these excessive modifiers often
don’t even make sense.
• Totally unaffected
• Completely finished
• Really pregnant
• An absolute success!
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Unnecessary words - doublets
In English, we love to repeat words,
especially in legal forms.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Common doublets
• Cease and desist
• Due and payable
• Begin and commence
• Knowledge and information
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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General wordy phrase help
For a list of wordy phrases and
suggested alternatives, see
www.plainlanguage.gov
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Excess words - Meaningless
formal language
• Meaningless formal language wastes
space and your reader’s time.
• It conveys the impression that you are
insincere.
• Bureaucratic letters often contain this
•language, especially in first and last
sentences.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Some LA County letters
• Thank you for contacting us. We hope you find
the information useful.
• Thank you for bringing this complaint to our
attention.
• Thanks for your e-mail asking if
Make every first and last sentence in
your letters meaningful and contentladen.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Information the reader doesn’t
want or need
• Bureaucratic writing is full of unnecessary
information.
• Don’t give your readers a dissertation, just give
them what they need.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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The Los Angeles County Department of Community
and Senior Services developed this website to
provide easy access to a wide array of information
and resources relevant to clients, families,
organizations, and individuals concerned with longterm care issues for seniors and the disabled. With
just a few clicks this portal connects you to . . .
We have put this web site together in an effort to
provide the general community with online access
to our services and publications. We hope you find
this information timely and useful.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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The Board of Supervisors created the Office
of Affirmative Action (OAAC) in 1976 to
assist County departments in the prevention
of employment discrimination and provide
programs that ensure equal employment
opportunity in County government.
Pursuant to California Health and Safety Code
Section 103526 only specific individuals are
allowed to receive an AUTHORIZED CERTIFIED
COPY of a birth or death record.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Avoid long sentences
• For written material, sentence length
should be 20 words or fewer.
• No sentence should be longer than 40 words.
• These numbers should be even smaller
when you write for the web or for scripts to be
delivered over the phone.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Let’s combine some plain language
techniques to improve some
sentences.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Presentation Outline
Introduction
Benefits of Plain Language
Plain Language Principles
Work with County materials;
using Stylewriter
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Acheek@patriot.net
Think about all the techniques we’ve
discussed and rewrite the next few passages.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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The mission of the Department of Public Social
Services (DPSS) is to enrich lives through
effective and caring service. DPSS, in
commitment to reduce and prevent homelessness
among its CalWORKs families, implemented, in
April 2004, the DPSS Housing Program. The
Program includes a number of benefit and
services designed to assist homeless families and
families at risk of homelessness to move out of
the current situation and into affordable
permanent housing.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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In Los Angeles County, the Norway rat, roof rat,
domestic cat, and opossum are involved in the
transmission of this disease to humans. Man has
played an active role by introducing the animals
involved in the transmission cycle and by creating
environmental conditions conducive for the
maintenance and spread of murine typhus. These
animals often exist in significant numbers in
commercial or residential communities because of
ample food supply, accessible harborage, and a
lack of predators such as coyotes.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Let’s do some longer passages.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Now let’s look at Stylewriter and see
what it would do with some of these
passages.
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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Resources
www.plainlanguage.gov
On-line guidance
On-line training
Army writing program
NIH training program
“Plain Train” program
Dr. Annetta L. Cheek
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