Transcript Younkin Success Center

Demonstrating Effective Communication
And Listening Skills
The Ohio State University
Ana C. Berríos-Allison, LPC., Ph.D.
614-688-3898 * berrios.7@osu.edu
Fine a partner and define who will be “A” and who
will be “B”
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How did you define it?
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Relationships are defined even if we don’t want to
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Sometimes we define them: You are A – therefore….
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Sometimes they are defined for us: Would you like to be B? Do
you have a preference? Chance?
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We send a message, intentional or not, about our boundaries:
permissive, imposing, clear, open…
Knowing Boundaries: Informs type of conversations
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Personal: They demand the creation of trusting relationships
where people can share their personal life and relationships.
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Informational: They are more impersonal and have a specific
result in mind. We need information about a specific topic.
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Meetings: Broad spectrum, from formal Roberts Rules of Order
to casual leaderless groups. Each profession and interest group
develops its own internal codes and jargon
“A” say name of “B” in different tones of voice. “B”
with your eyes closed affirm if you like it and negate it
if you don’t. (Exchange)
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How was this listening experience like for you?
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How did you feel when your name was affirming? When it
wasn’t?
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What can you conclude about the person saying your name?
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Firm and soft tones, what do they mean?
Listening in the Workplace
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Creates acceptance and openness (people feel valued, respected,
appreciated)
Promotes safety, decreases the amount of injuries, fatalities, and
loss of production
Leads to learning
Reduces stress and tension
Minimizes confusion and misunderstanding
Is CRUCIAL for conflict resolution
Helps make better decisions and policies
Provides opportunity for speakers to listen to their own
message
“A” think about something you really enjoy doing and
communicate it to “B”. “B” make every effort to
interrupt and/or not to listen to “A”. (Exchange)
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What behaviors did you observed?
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Was anything said?
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What were your thoughts?
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How were you feeling?
Barriers to Listening
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Thoughts are somewhere else
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Assumptions about what will be said next (filters)
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Emotional response distracts you from listening
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Thinking about what to say next
Communication Barriers
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Negative remarks: “that’s nothing” vs “you sound very
concerned”
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Accusations: “you should know better” vs “help me to
understand”
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Assumptions: “I know exactly how you feel” vs “Am I missing
something”? “Is this really true”?
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Advice: “you should” vs “something that worked for me in the
past”
Communication Barriers
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Clichés: “Hang in there” vs “it sounds serious”
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Judging: “this is terrible” vs “it sounds like it was difficult”
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Defenses: “No” vs “I’ll consider what you said”; “that’s an
interesting way to think about it”’ “I can see how much this
means to you”
”A” think about anything/anybody that is of real value
to you. It is so important that you will not give it, trade
it, sell it, and/or lease it. Do not tell “B” what it is. “B”
try to convince “A” to give it to you. (Exchange)
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What tactics were used?
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How does it feel to ask? to share?
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Would you be willing to share it?
Attending Skills
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Creates a welcoming environment, physical space
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Pays attention to non-verbal: Open posture (what’s the cost
then?)
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Maintains eye contact –cultural sensitive
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Remains relaxed
Following Skills
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Try “door opening” statements: Tell me more
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Do not interrupt: Do not fill in words or complete sentences
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Encourage the speaker to tell their own message
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Allow time for silence- allows the speakers to reflect and keep on
talking (3 or 4 seconds)
Take a look:
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At the six letters that spell: L-I-S-T-E-N
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S
I
L
E
N
T
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Silence is embedded in Listening
Reflective Skills
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Paraphrase: restate the speaker’s message using your own language
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Reflecting feelings: Restate your perception of the emotion
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Clarifying: Attempts to understand- “what I heard was..”
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Focusing: summative reflections
Let’s test your skills…
Executive Blueprint Inc Active Listening
This project has been a complete disaster. All of the managers loved to listen to the
sound of their own voices. As a result, we spent months talking about how we got into
the situation and what needed to be done, rather than working on a fix. We needed to
have something in place several weeks ago, and now we will never make our budget.
They will probably hold me accountable, but I can’t do anything about management
Paraphrase:
So, now you are behind schedule and over budget
Reflection:
You feel personal pressure and frustration from this situation
Focusing:
What are your options to move forward in this situation?
Clarifying:
Are you saying that you see potential for a challenging situation?
What is Active Listening?
Listening is more than hearing
words; it encompasses our
minds, ears, eyes, undivided
attention, and heart
It is a skill that can be learned
Did you know?
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The more we understand, the less we fear
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The less we fear, the more we risk
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The more we risk, the more we trust
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The more we trust, the more we can be ourselves
Let’s test your skills…
I.e. Amanda (a junior cook) puts an extra two eggs into a cake because the
customer specifically asked for it, the chef finds out and thinks Amanda did it
for no reason. Then the chef raises his concern with the head chief saying
that Amanda does not follow recipes and is not a team player. What actually
happened here is called fundamental attribution error or correspondence
bias. The chef simply did not ask Amanda “why” she put the extra eggs into
the cake and assumed facts made up by his own cognitive bias. Maybe the
Chef did not like Amanda or because Amanda was actually an excellent
junior cook and that the chef did not like someone being a threat, particularly
a female. It could also simply mean that communication amongst the team
is not strong or open. As I said, there could be many reasons why Positions
of Misunderstanding occur
Cross-Cultural Communication
UK & USA
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O.K
Japan
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Money
Russia
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Zero
Brazil
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Insult
Groups…
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What did you eat last night?
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What’s your favorite animal?
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How much would you like to make?
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A favorite place you would like to visit
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If you can meet the person you admire the most, who would it be?
What do these words share in common?
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Hear
Learn
Tear
Year
Fear
Heart
Let’s be “Ear- responsible”